A list has been popping up in the face of Dr. Viggy for the last 3 days and it needs to be addressed. In my old age, I’m getting both wiser, yet forgetful. Have I spoken about double standards and crazy broads who think the world revolves around them? I’m not that senile you. Of course I have. But yet it continues. Here’s the list with my explanations/rebuttals after each one. Standard text is the list. Bold is Doc Viggy. The title is “20 things guys should NEVER do to girls.”

1. Make fun of her hair, face, body or clothes. Seriously. Don’t. Girls take care of themselves way more than men do. Girls will also constantly make fun of men for all those things. Fair is fair right? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander as they say.
2. Overuse sarcasm. It’s one thing to joke. It’s another to speak sarcasm as a second language. Sure… we’ll stop the sarcasm.
3. Flirt with other girls. It doesn’t make us want you more..it just makes us angry. We will remember that the next time you see some shirtless muscled meatball at the beach and you go gaga over him.
4. Cheat. You’ll never get away with it. Realistically, 99% of people don’t cheat for no reason at all. They are driven into the arms of another. Not that it makes it right, but take some of the responsibility.
5. Make promises you can’t keep. If you can’t follow through, don’t say it. Sometimes it’s about trying to keep the promise and life happens. It’s not done purpose. Also, pay attention to the intentionality. If a man makes a promise and means to keep it, even if he knows he can’t you should love that he tried, against all odds to do something he knew he couldn’t… just for YOU!
6. Say “I love you” if you don’t mean it. If the girl you “love” gained 300 pounds, would you still love her? Probably not. You mean the same way you’ll not love your man when he’s 300 pounds and/or bald. If a person was 150 pounds and is now 300 pounds, their partner may not love them and you know what… that’s ok. That kind of weight gain means the person is not taking care of themselves, have no respect for themselves, doesn’t consider the long term health risks and is generally a lazy, fat slob. Falling out of love with a 300lb blimp of a girl is most likely because of the person she’s become to gain the weight and not the weight itself.
7. Lie. You will get caught. Don’t ever-under any circumstances-try to keep a lie going with a girl. It will not work. Really, Sherlock Holmes? 
8. Deny things that are true. If a girl confronts you about something…she already knows the truth. Denying it makes her more angry. Grow some balls and own up to it. Because a girl has never one been uninformed or gotten the wrong story. Because her gossipy, bitch girlfriends may not be spreading rumors. If she knows it, it MUST be true right? Get real ladies.
9. Pressure her. If she wants to do something with you, she will. And at what point did relationships become about the girls watch. When she wants to do something we have do. When we want to do something we have to hope she does too. Get off your throne, Queen Bee.
10. Talk about other girls. Don’t say they’re hot, pretty, or even nice. We don’t want to hear it. As much as we love you, you’re not the only girl on the planet Earth and you’re not the only attractive one either. Other girls are pretty. Have some goddamn confidence and realize that while other girls may be pretty, we’re sitting there WITH YOU!
11. Talk to her about your ex-girlfriends. If you’re saying nice stuff, we’ll assume you still like her. If you say shit, we’ll assume you’ll say the same about us. Another asinine request. Whether an old relationship ended easily and smoothly or was World War III it’s important to talk about. Every relationship (personal, romantic, business, etc) brings something into our lives that is worth talking about. We learn from them. They shape us. No matter how  badly you want to pretend you’re the first girl we’ve ever met….you’re not.
12. Say shit behind her back. No matter how much you try to keep it a secret, she will hear about it. Well that’s a problem we need to take up with our friends
13. Be a dick to her in front of her friends. You might think it’s funny, but she definitely will not. Any guy that’s doing that is a jerk off in the first place. A real man knows better than to act that way in front of the wolf pack. Blame your judgment in picking a dude that acts like a jerk. 
14. Try to make it look like something was her fault to get yourself out of trouble. It will make things much, much worse. This is a human trait and not a man or a woman trait. Passing the buck is what people do. Have a relationship that incorporates real communication and this won’t be an issue.
15. Ask why she’s mad at you. Say you were wrong and apologize. Do not say you didn’t do anything wrong. If she’s mad, you obviously did something wrong. Women are emotional creatures. We know it and they know it. There are time (especially certain times during the month) that they are more emotional than others. Is it even remotely possible that she’s just made for no reason? Is it possible she misunderstood something and took it the wrong way? Is it possible that a guy REALLY has NO idea why she’s mad? Don’t aim for LESS communication. 
16. Joke about wanting to break up. It won’t be taken as a joke and you’ll be single before you can tell her you were kidding. If a guy jokes about breaking up and is clearly joking and she doesn’t recognize that, then she doesn’t know him or his sense of humor and he’s better off without her anyway.
17. Tell her she’s overreacting. If you thought she was mad before, prepare to meet the she-beast from hell. Sure. When I’m home for dinner 5 minutes later and she throws a pot at my head… that’s a legitimate reaction, right?
18. Go to parties or hang out with other girls without your girlfriend. No matter how much she trusts you, she’ll be worried. Some girls we’ve known since we were 8 years old. If we haven’t fucked them by now, we aren’t going to. Try to get in the way of a legitimate friendship and that female friend will do everything to fuck me out of spite. Friends are friends. If you worry, then you DON’T trust your man and you’re relationship sucks and so do you.
19. Make excuses. If you screwed up, don’t try to get out of it. Excuses aren’t always a bad thing. They aren’t always a cop out. Sometimes an excuse is exactly the definition. Sometimes it is something that actually excuses you from wrongdoing. I’m sorry I didn’t answer the phone. I was taking a shit. Is that an excuse or am I excused from whatever’s got your panties in a twist because I legitimately could not answer the phone.
20. Talk to her when you’re mad. You will screw something up and regret it. So you’d rather us bottle it all up until we explode or get a stomach ulcer or end up with hypertension. It’s nice to know that you’re there for us when times are tough and we can vent to you.

There ya go ladies. I’m pretty sure this list was written by a 19 year old. Or a retarded 27 year old.