DEAR ABBY: Please tell me what to do. I was at a birthday luncheon with six other women, and a discussion about female newscasters came up. One of the guests was raving about how wonderful a certain news anchor was, and said, “She has eight children!” Feeling naughty, I said, “That just means she likes gettin’ it on!” I realize my comment may have been off-color, but we’ve known each other 20 years, and I was just mouthing off.
The woman who had brought up the newscaster immediately took great offense and replied, “My mother had eight children!” The lady whose 81st birthday we were celebrating then said, “Your mother must have liked to do it, too.” The offended lady told us angrily that she didn’t appreciate our remarks.
I was very embarrassed and apologized repeatedly, both for myself and the honoree — who, I can assure you, meant no harm either. Then I had my lunch packed up, paid my share of the bill, and left.
I told my husband what happened, and he assured me that I had done nothing wrong. The offended woman brought her mother into the discussion, and the lady whose birthday it was made the comment about her mother. I feel ashamed and angry at the same time. The woman ignored my apology and ruined the birthday party.
Can’t a group of senior ladies who have been friends more than 20 years share a little spice? Or am I out of step? — STILL UPSET IN MIDLOTHIAN, VA.
DEAR STILL UPSET: There is an old saying, “Never discuss sex, politics or religion” at parties — and you unwittingly touched on one (possibly two) of the subjects. Do I think you committed social suicide? No, I think the woman overreacted. Write her a short note apologizing again, and then drop it. Whether she accepts it or not is up to her.
You’re damn right she overreacted. Let’s call a spade a spade here. The woman had eight kids; she liked to get it on. And had it not been for her penchant for making fucky fucky, then the offended lunatic wouldn’t be there to be offended in the first place.
It’s not like she was called a whore or anything. At last check there was one Virgin Mother (dependant on the faith of an individual) and said virgin who was said to be touched by the hand of God, only managed that trick once, let alone eight times.
Now let’s pretend for a moment that what you said was actually offensive. Being the morally sound individual who always take the high road that this woman likes to appear to be, she could and probably should have just said… nothing. Instead she decided to rant and rave at a party. There is a key ingredient. IT WAS A PARTY! Here is where I disagree with Abby (you know it was bound to happen). If you can’t discuss sex at a party then where can you discuss it? Don’t discuss politics or religion at parties simply because they’re a buzzkill, but sex is the perfect thing to discuss at a party. Anyone who’s over the age of 12 and has played spin the bottle knows that parties bring out the sexual nature of well… everyone.
So where does that leave you? In the right if I have anything to say about it. So what you said was truthful and it was in a light hearted atmosphere but the most important part is the tenure of your friendship. After twenty years she should know full well that you’re not out to be hurtful or offensive and should be just a bit of wit amongst friends, including the 81 year old honoree.
The bottom line is that she shouldn’t be upset, nor should you. She should, however, be regretful of ruining the mood at the party. Both you and the birthday girl are owed an apology and the other one needs to get her panties untwisted and realize that people like sex.
I know I do anyway!
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